


The Naughty Elf

by twilly



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Christmas, Crack, Double Entendre, F/M, Fluff, Funny, Peppermint Peen, Phasing reindeer, Romance, Santa and his elf, Schmoop, Sexual Humour, Workplace Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-03
Updated: 2012-06-03
Packaged: 2017-11-06 17:29:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/421478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilly/pseuds/twilly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Santa believes there's no such thing as a bad elf. Bella's been fired from nearly every toy shop. How can Santa get her in the right position when everything out of her mouth is so very dirty? Santa, elves, chocolate starfish and phasing reindeer</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Naughty Elves

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
> [ ](http://yfrog.com/h71plbgj)  
> 

### Chapter 1: No Naughty Elves

With a heavy sigh, Santa sank into his chair. Elves by nature were pleasant and hard working; any performance issues could be handled entirely by each toy shop's Chief. It had been years since a case was escalated to his level.

Santa truly felt there was a place for every elf, and if something wasn't working, it was simply a matter of placing the elf in another shop where their natural talents could thrive. He also knew that opportunities for elves outside the North Pole were not plentiful and displaced elves were often exploited; forced into a life-long servitude as RPG characters. Just the thought made Santa shudder.

A sharp knock at the door startled Santa from his thoughts.

He didn't even have time to reply before the tall, heavy doors swung open. Two elves entered the room. One of these elves seemed to hang behind, just inside the doorway, but the shorter, plumper elf with graying blond curls marched toward Santa's desk with determination; squeaking, "Santa, your naughty elf is here."

"Shelly," Santa admonished, "You know there are no bad elves, just…opportunities to find a better toy shop to elf fit."

"Ha! In my day, we called a bad elf a bad elf," she turned to leave the room, still mumbling about the size of "this one's" file. The tinkling of her shoe bells faded as the massive doors clattered to a close.

Santa looked up to see that the elf in question still hadn't budged from her spot near the door. His heart went out to her, she didn't want to have this conversation any more than he did, and her anxiety showed in her posture. She was almost folded in on herself with one hand gripping the elbow of her opposite arm tightly, while the other played with the hem of her green tunic. Her head was lowered, and she did not lift her gaze from the curled toes of her boots.

Santa settled deeper in his chair and even slumped a little bit hoping she'd sense his casualty and would relax a bit too. So he watched her for a while.

She was a pretty elf, probably the prettiest he'd ever seen. Waves of shiny brown hair tumbled from under her hat and were neatly tucked behind her cute little elfin ears. He wasn't sure he'd ever considered elf ears cute before, but hers certainly were.

With her head still tilted towards the floor, Santa couldn't see her eyes. He wondered the color of her eyes; he'd guess they were probably blue. Blue would be very pretty against the dark fringe of her sweeping eyelashes and her alabaster skin.

A warm blush crossed her cheeks, making Santa think she knew he was appraising her, and that she had surreptitiously been watching him as well. But she remained in place, looking at her feet gently shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

Sighing again, Santa rose from his desk and waved her forward so that she'd be closer to him. This conversation was already going to be difficult enough; he didn't want to have to shout it across the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I originally started writing it as a o/s for Southern Fanfiction Review. When I got the idea to do this with it, she let me run with it. Psst…you can see each chapter a day early over there.
> 
> As much I want to be a 'strong, independent woman' I'm really more of a flighty shrinking violet who forgets to type every single word. I require a lot of handholding, and obsmama and maxandmo have really warm hands. Obsmama tells me when I've gone too far and when I haven't gone far enough and when Santa wouldn't do that. And maxandmo, there was 137 () pairs in first 8 chapters! Love you.
> 
> Reviews are like Christmas presents for writers. I've been an awful good girl this year. js.


	2. You're Not Santa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> [ ](http://yfrog.com/h71plbgj)  
> 

### Chapter 2: You're Not Santa

She took slow, tentative steps, until she came to a stop just behind the plush guest chairs facing his massive desk. Briefly glancing up, she was taken aback by his appearance. Her shiny brown curls bounced around her shoulders as she tilted her head in confusion, "I thought I was supposed to see… you know, umm…" she leaned forward, dropping her voice to a whisper, "Santa Claus."

Santa's hearty chuckle caused her to straighten quickly. As his face reddened with his laughter, hers did too. The timber of his jolly guffaw and the rosiness of his cheeks almost had her convinced he was indeed Santa, but she could plainly see he was not. Sure he was tall and had broad shoulders like Santa; but his hair wasn't white like Santa's, he didn't have a beard like Santa, and he certainly wasn't old or fat like Santa! Her embarrassment turned to anger as the man in front of her was now doubled over in laughter.

Her small hands balled in to fists, and her elbows locked straight at her sides. Why was he laughing at her? She couldn't take any more of this man's chortling. She stomped her foot and extended just one finger to point at him, narrowing her eyes as she gathered courage with a deep breath, "Listen here, you, you…"

Santa could see she was angry and that his continued laughs were just fueling her fire, but he couldn't help it; the more embarrassed and frustrated and angry she got, the cuter she was. By the time she was at the point of stomping her foot, his sides were burning. He had never been so enchanted by an elf before.

He struggled to compose himself while holding his hands up in surrender. He moved around to the front of the desk, leaning on the edge with his long legs extended and crossed at the ankle. "I'm Santa Claus." He reassured with a nod. "And you must be, Bella-swan?"

She nodded, biting her lip before adding, "I was born on the seventh day of Christmas. But, everyone usually just call me Bella."

Santa tilted his head in confusion before he realized her parents probably named her swan after the seven swans a swimming in the Twelve Days of Christmas. He smiled warmly, "Okay Bella, as we covered, I'm Santa and today..."

"No you're not," she interrupted while shaking her head adamantly, "Santa is big and fat and jolly," she demanded as she rounded the chairs to stand directly in front of him.

His own emerald eyes seemed to dance even as his smile crinkled them at their corners, "Well I consider myself to be quite jolly. About my portliness; well that's mostly the costume, a disguise, if you will," he said before leaning across the desk toward her adding in a whisper, "That's a secret though, so no telling," with a wink.

She was temporarily mesmerized by that wink.

Shaking off the distraction, she peered at his clean-shaven face. She couldn't help herself and reached up barely grazing his chiseled jaw.

"Beard?" he asked, looking into her brown eyes, happy to be wrong about their color, because these eyes glittered with amber flecks and were much more beautiful than he could ever imagine blue eyes to be.

"I don't start growing that until Thanksgiving. Then, I cut it off the day after the run. It's too hot and itchy to keep year round, but it helps to keep me warm during the season, and it's part of the tradition."

"Hmm, well you do seem to have his bushy eyebrows," she simpered, bringing her finger to trace them. "But Santa's hair is supposed to be white, not crazy like this and not the color of tarnished pennies," she stated, using his shoulder to help her lean up to run her fingers though his hair.

Santa had to stifle his moan as she raked her nails though his hair, willing himself to be professional even as she was inspecting him. He would have told her to stop, but he liked her inspection techniques.

Turning, just slightly, so that his lips barely grazed the lobe of her pointy ear, "How to you know it's not crazy under that red hat?"

Noticing their closeness, Bella settled back on her heels, creating more space between her and her boss. Well, he wasn't really her boss; he was more of her boss' boss' boss. Or her ex-boss' boss' boss. "Fine," she huffed, "It's all a disguise? I never knew Christmas was so sneaky!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Thank you all for reading. The response has been wonderful, I love hearing from you. Every time The Naughty Elf gets a review, out sweet little elf blushes.
> 
> And many, many sweet thanks to maxandmo and obsmama. They are too wonderful, mostly because they wear curly toed elf shoes, with bells. Oh, and because I couldn't do this without them. :)


	3. Like the real Santa, Santa?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ ](http://yfrog.com/h71plbgj)

### Chapter 3: Like the real Santa, Santa?

Still not quite sure, Bella crossed her arms in front of her, and narrowed her eyes again, "So you're Santa Claus?"

"Yep," he mirrored her crossed arms.

Raising an eyebrow, "Like the real Santa Claus, Santa Claus?"

Raising his own brow, "Yes"

"Sinterklaas?"

"Ja"

"Pere Noel?"

"Oui"

"Ded Moroz?"

"Da"

"St. Nicholas?"

"Edward"

"Saint Edward?"

"No, Edward. Just Edward, no 'saint'. My real name is Edward"

She hummed in acceptance, but then decided she needed more, "Oh, so Kris Kringle?"

"Not me, but he was a Santa."

"So how many Santas have there been?"

With a deep sigh, "No one really knows. We keep the succession of Santas a secret to protect the magic."

"Can you image what would happen if word got out that there was a Santa Retirement Plan? I can't even consider the ramifications."

He shouldn't have told her about the others. That was definitely privileged information. But something made him want to tell her, to tell her everything, and when he looked into her chocolate eyes, he knew he could never withhold anything from her.

"Now that we know who I am, it's very nice to meet you Bella; why don't you have a seat," he said gesturing to one of the chairs in front of his desk.

He needed to get back on task, to find her a place at the North Pole, because as confused as he was about his feelings for the charming, pretty elf; he knew he could never let her leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leaving a review is like leaving cookies for Santa!
> 
> And thanks to max and obs. What would this be without them, I can't even consider the ramifications. :)


	4. Jasper's Toy Soldier Shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ ](http://yfrog.com/nxodkqytj)

### Chapter 4: Jasper's Toy Soldier Shop

Gathering his thoughts, Santa nervously thumbed though Bella's file. Clearing his throat and summoning his most official voice, "So Bella, you're here today so we can discuss your options here in the North Pole. How do you feel about the work you did in Jasper's Toy Soldier Shop?"

Bella's eyes brightened and she spoke excitedly, "Jasper's Shop was a wonderful place to work! It's so much fun to see all the soldiers lined up, ready to march into some little boy's army. But…"

She hung her head, causing her bouncy brown waves to form a curtain around her face as she hung her head and quietly admitted, "Jasper said I ruined his entire new line of plushie soldiers."

Shaking her head back and forth, still staring into her lap, "I didn't mean to ruin them Santa, I thought I was helping, making them better."

Santa wanted to go to her, hold her and tell it was alright, that melted stuffed soldiers encased in twisted metal were a great toy, but he had to remain professional.

"And to make them better, you had them dipped in tin?"

Sniffling, she looked up at him and nodded. His silence prompted her to continue, "Well, at first, I just started to ram steel rod into them, which certainly made them stand a little taller, but when you squeezed them," she said while closing her hand around an imaginary soldier, "they were still too soft."

Santa was distracted by the action of her hand. The way she curled around the imaginary toy made him wonder how tightly she could squeeze his solider.

Bella continued, "Who ever heard of a soft little soldier? I mean who would want that? Soldiers should stand tall and at attention and be impossibly hard!

Santa had to hold back a snicker. This wasn't the appropriate time or place for double entendre, especially when it was so innocently uttered.

Bringing himself back to the matter at hand, Santa advised, "Well, it sounds like you and Jasper maybe had different perspectives on what makes a good soldier. One of the great things the North Pole offers is many opportunities to find the job that's a perfect fit for you."

Bella sat up a little straighter, excited and nodded enthusiastically, "Oh, I know Santa, and I've had lots of opportunities here. I've loved them all, but sooner or later the Boss Elf will come to me and suggest I try to fit in somewhere else. I don't know why. I've loved every single job I've had here." She shrugged her shoulders before staring blankly at Santa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So, do you like your toy soldiers tall and hard or soft and fuzzy? Jasper's taking a poll.
> 
> Could not have written any of this without my SuperBetaMax and obsmamalamadingdong.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	5. Rosalie's Toy Car Shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ ](http://yfrog.com/odabjvoj)

### Chapter 5: Rosalie's Toy Car Shop

Shuffling through her file, Santa is surprised to find the number of positions she's held in her short time at the North Pole. "Well why don't you tell me about some of your other work experiences? It looks like you spent some time in Rosalie's Toy Car Shop."

"Oh yes, I really liked it there. I just loved the smooth wood of the toy cars, they were so very soft and velvety smooth, but incredibly hard too!"

Her eyes widened, and she nodded excitedly. Her enthusiasm was contagious, and even Santa felt like nodding along with her.

She continued, gesturing wildly, "I just love to stroke them. It was almost like petting my kitty."

If Santa had been drinking his hot cocoa, he would have surely spit it out.

He almost thought she was coming on to him, if she wasn't sitting there with her wide eyed innocence. Santa shook his head to drive his own dirty thoughts from his mind.

Composing himself, he continued, "And what happened there?"

"Well, I had a difference of opinion with Rosalie," she stated, but when she saw Santa's brows start to furrow, she suddenly felt guilty that she might impeach Rosalie as a toymaker. Oh, but Santa, Rosie is a good toy maker. She's one of the best! I didn't mean to imply that she wasn't," she added with genuine concern.

"Well then Bella, what was the difference of opinion?"

Again, her eyes found her lap and her voice dropped to a whisper, "Um...I wanted to screw the wheels on, but Rosalie said I had to nail them. She said we didn't have time to use the screws, that we had to make enough cars for all the children, and we'd never make the Christmas deadline if I kept screwing around."

A lot of this information wasn't in the file, Santa felt like there was more to it, "So she let you go because you told her you wanted to build the cars another way?"

"Not quite, I wouldn't stop, so Rosalie hid all the screwdrivers in the shop, so we'd only have hammers. But, I brought a screwdriver from home so I could still make them my way."

"I'm sorry Santa; I didn't mean to put the whole line behind schedule. I just love to screw," she shrugged, "I think screwing is so much fun, don't you Santa?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To screw or to nail, that is the question.
> 
> Gropes to my fic elves, maxandmo and obsmama; they like to screw too, but they don't mind a good nailing either.


	6. Alice's Sweet Shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ ](http://yfrog.com/gywqnndj)

### Chapter 6: Alice's Sweet Shop

Santa just sat there, mouth gaping wide open while Bella settled with her hands in her lap and looked at him with an innocence he was certain wasn't feigned.

Bella just blinked while Santa gathered his wits. Uncomfortable with the awkward silence, Bella continued on her own, "Before that, I worked in Alice's Sweet Shop."

Santa nodded, hoping her time with the candy maker would stop him from thinking about his own toy soldier or showing Bella just how much he really liked to screw.

"I loved Alice! She's so cute, and did you know she's the smallest adult elf at the North Pole, but she can yodel the loudest?" she nodded her head, "Oh, it's true. And she makes the best candy, I really liked learning how to make ribbon candy, that was so much fun. And then when I mastered the candy cane hooker, I was so proud of myself.

Santa ran his hand though his hair, hooker, really? Someone had to be pulling his leg.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, "Did you not like working in that shop?"

"Oh, I loved Alice's Sweet Spot Candy Shop; it was one of my favorites of all the places I've worked."

"Well what happened there?"

She sighed heavily and sunk back into the chair. "Chocolate Starfish."

"Chocolate Starfish?"

"Yep, I just couldn't resist. Every time I saw a chocolate starfish, I just had to stick my finger in it. It was warm and slippery; I just couldn't not poke my finger in. "

Santa's head thumped down on the desk. There was no way she was real. Someone was pranking him. Had Newton escaped from the Fig Forrest?

Everything out of this elf's mouth was completely loaded, yet it was delivered with such innocence that he just couldn't believe she knew what she was saying.

Bella went to him, where he was shaking his head in disbelief with his forehead resting on his desk, and tried to soothe him by running her fingers though his hair, "Santa, are you okay?"

She couldn't make out his mumbles, so she leaned closer to his mouth to better hear him. He opened one eye to see her leaning so close to him on the desk, it was more than he could take, "Go. Go back over there," he lifted his arms to point at the guest chairs, "Please, for the love of Rudolf, go back over there." He pointed again, allowing his hand to slam down to the desk in defeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello...are you still there? Good, you made it though the chocolate starfish! I was a bit worried about that. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Those chocolate starfish were for my pre-reader obsmama, they're her very favorite. And SuperBetaMax didn't even make me nix them! (I think she loves them too.)
> 
> This morning I was awaken by this DM: "Hey - did you see you pimped in The Cellar update!" That is the best wake up call ever, because I absolutely adore The Cellar.


	7. Emmett's Sports Center

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ ](http://yfrog.com/obtzsljsj)

### Chapter 7: Emmett's Sports Center

Bella nearly ran back to her chair. She sat there, nervously bouncing her knee before she couldn't take the silence anymore. This is what always happened in shops. She tried to be the best elf possible, but no matter how hard she tried, the Chief Elves ended up in tears, telling her to go away.

She tried to slow her breathing, to prevent the tears that were welling up from falling, but she was fighting a losing battle.

The sounds of her failed attempts to hold back the sobs made Santa lift his head. Again, he wanted to go to her, to comfort her, but now he had even more reasons why he couldn't. Taking a deep breath and hoping he could get though the rest of the meeting without any new problems arising, he apologized, "Bella, I'm sorry, I've been having a hard time maintaining my composure, and that's not fair to you. Please, continue."

He looked back through her file, looking at her very first job at the North Pole. It wasn't uncommon for an elf's first shop to be a poor fit; hopefully this would be a safe subject.

"It looks like your first job was in Emmett's Sports Center?"

"Uh-huh," she nodded, still trying to recover from her crying jag.

"What happened?"

"Balls."

"Balls?"

"Oh yes, I love balls, all kinds of balls. Little balls I can roll around in my fingers. Big balls that fill my whole hand. Red balls and blue balls. Ball sacs and balls in boxers."

"Okay, that's enough, I caught you, you said boxers," he yelled, jumping up to stand on his feet.

Bella's brow furrowed, "What? Caught me?"

"Just now, you said you like to play with balls in boxers."

"No, I didn't"

"Yes, you did."

"Boxes"

"Huh?"

"I said boxes, I like balls in boxes"

His eyes narrowed suspiciously, "Who sent you?"

"Shelly Snowflake, she said you wanted to see me."

Santa leaned forward, narrowing his eyes, looking for a sign of any shenanigans. But he saw none.

Santa was about ready to give up, every word out of her mouth was so sexually loaded; he was nearly ready to burst. He decided to try a new tactic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think Bella really said?
> 
> obsmama and maxandmo are my jingle bells. We all know which is which. :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. Reviews are like shiny boxers, wrapped with pretty ribbon. Huh? Oh, you misheard me, I said boxes.


	8. Jake's Magic Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ ](http://yfrog.com/mm759kjj)

### Chapter 8: Jake's Magic Smile

"So Bella, why don't you tell me, what are you good at, what do you do the best?"

"Gee Santa, I don't know. I always think I'm doing well, until some Chief Elf loses it and starts yelling at me. I don't seem to last very long at anything I try," she sighed and her shoulders slumped.

"Bella, there has to be something."

"Well, there is one thing," she said as she blushed and looked away from him.

"And…"

"Well, umm… Prancer Jacob, he says I give good blow jobs."

"What?" Santa yelled as he jumped from his chair."

Bella was startled, and sunk further into her chair, shying away from him as he leaned towards her, his arms leaning on the desk.

Santa realized he was scaring her, and then quickly wondered if she knew what she was talking about. She didn't seem to get any of the double entendres. He sat back down, "Bella, what exactly does a 'blow job' entail?"

"Um, well, I play with his jingle bells, and he puts his cinnamon stick in my mouth."

Santa was stunned, and not quite sure if either one of them knew what she was saying. Then she added, "And by cinnamon stick, I mean 'cock' and by jingle bells, I mean..."

"I KNOW, I KNOW! Don't tell me anymore," Santa yelled while putting his fingers in his ears. He had heard enough.

Maybe there were some elves he couldn't help after all. Maybe it would be best for her to leave. As the thought left his mind, he regretted it. Bella couldn't leave the North Pole, this was her home. He felt oddly protective of her; he couldn't throw her to the wolves.

He didn't want to hear any more, but he needed the details, as disgusting as they may be. Hesitantly, he asked, "Bella, are you talking about Prancer Jacob from the stable; Prancer Jacob, the reindeer?"

She nodded emphatically, "He said he needed blow jobs to keep his magic full; so he could lead the sleigh with the brilliant gleam of his smile, otherwise the rest of the team would crash in the fog, and the children wouldn't get their toys. I couldn't let down all the children who wouldn't get their toys because the head reindeer lost his smile!

Santa paled, it sounded like she was regularly servicing him. Blow jobs did not fuel the Christmas magic.

His hands tugged at his hair and a disgusted, "Oh my Yule log," escaped.

Embarrassed, Bella tried to sink further in her chair.

"So, you're going down to the stables and giving my reindeer blow jobs because he needed them to light the sleigh's way on Christmas?"

It finally clicked for Bella why Santa was so upset, "Eww, Santa, no. Not as reindeer; I made him phase back to human first. That would be gross," she added with a shudder.

Santa blew a sigh of relief; at least she wasn't into bestiality. He was still upset though, that he would manipulate an elf, especially a sweet innocent elf like Bella.

He reached across his desk and pressed the intercom button, "Shelly, fire Prancer Jacob!"

"Fire Prancer Jacob, the reindeer? You can't do that! Christmas is in six weeks! Who will light the way if it's foggy?"

"I don't care. I don't know, we'll tie iPhones to their antlers and use the LED flash for all I care, but I want him out of the North Pole today," he smiled widely with the realization that opportunities for reindeer on the outside were also scarce, and they most often ended up as companions for older abominable snowmen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit nervous about this one, so what did you all think?
> 
> I would thank the usual suspects, but obsmama and maxandmo are not 'usual' at all; they're pretty extraordinary. Especially for this chapter where I originally veered a bit to far into WTFland. They pulled me back, gently beating me until I remembered, Christmas, fun, sorta dirty.


	9. Please, Santa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ ](http://yfrog.com/h6epyvrj)

### Chapter 9: Please, Santa

Bella sat in her chair as Santa struggled to regain his composure. The tension in the air seemed to increase rather than dissipate as the silence continued. Desperate to break the tension, Bella blurted out the first thing that came to her mind, "Would you like a demonstration?"

Santa's jaw dropped at her offer. Was she really offering to take him in her mouth?

Bella rose from her chair and rounded the side of Santa's desk. Using the armrest of his chair for balance, she kneeled and tried to twist his chair for proper access.

She thought he was twirling in his chair to present himself to her, so she looked up at Santa from beneath her lashes with the sweetest look, as she grabbed for his waistband.

Santa finally gained enough wits to spring into action, jumping from his chair and bringing Bella to a standing position. He used his grasp around her wrist to march her backward toward her seat.

"Bella, we can't do this. I'm your boss' boss' boss," he admonished, "It's highly inappropriate!"

Hearing the castigation, Bella stopped in place, causing Santa's body to crash into hers. "No you're not," she reminded him, "Technically, you're not my boss at all; I was fired."

"Please, Santa," she sweetly begged and then bit her bottom lip while gazing into his eyes.

Santa wasn't really sure what she was asking for anymore, but he knew whatever it was, he wanted to give it to her.

Both of their heads turned as the massive doors opened and Shelly stumbled into the office, "Santa –oh," she paused, noticing the pairs' position.

Bella was nearly pressed into Santa as he held her wrist at his chest. Shelly's gaze shifted from Santa, to the ceiling, to Bella, and back to the ceiling before returning to Santa's face.

"Not important. I'll come back later," Shelly nearly shrieked as she scurried back though the doors, quickly shutting them behind her.

Confused, they looked at each other with furrowed brows before slowly looking above their heads. A sly smile slowly spread across Bella's face, "Well Santa, I know how you feel about tradition," she reminded as she glanced up at the hanging sprigs of mistletoe.

"Oh, why not," Santa shrugged, knowing he couldn't deny her any more than he could tradition. He let go of her wrists, wrapping one arm around her shoulder, and the other at her waist. Her small hands fell to grab the material of his jacket at his hips, as he pulled her closer, barely dipping her.

Bella held her breath and felt a slight shiver as Santa's cheek gently brushed her own, and he whispered, "Merry Christmas," before pulling back to kiss her cheek.

Bella sighed as Santa brought her back to her own feet. Tingles from the chaste kiss zinged though her body, but it wasn't enough. She felt his arm begin to loosen and knew she had to do something because she wanted more, she needed more. She smoothed her hands higher, grabbing his lapels, using them to pull herself to up his body and his down to hers.

"Merry Christmas to you, Santa," she whispered as she kissed the curve of his jaw, continuing her breathless greetings; leaving a gentle kiss with each; "Fröhliche Weihnachten," on his chin; "Joyeux Noel," on corner of his mouth; before drawing out, "Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva s Novim Godom," and finally pressing her lips to his.

Santa's arms reflexively tightened around Bella, as he opened his mouth to hers. Thrills pulsed though his body, and he wasn't thinking of how he really was still her boss' boss' boss; or how he'd only just met this elf. He was thinking of how right she felt in his arms and how it felt as if his heart doubled in size every time she whimpered and moaned.

The effect was no less profound on Bella. She wanted to give him everything she ever had to give. And she still wanted to give him a blow job. She brought one hand up to embrace Santa's neck, never breaking their languid kiss, and let the other drop. She turned her palm, searching, and smiled in the kiss when she found that his 'tin soldier' was indeed hard just like she liked them.

The shock of Bella's hand rubbing though his trousers caused Santa to break the kiss and angle his hips away from her. He wanted her to continue, to do so much more; but his prudish sense of propriety told him to pull away though basal desire wouldn't let him break the embrace.

Looking up into his eyes, she lowly whispered, "Please, Santa," as she redoubled her efforts against his soldier, "Let me show you how good I can be."

His breaths were coming faster, and he lifted his hand to cup her cheek, caressing her prefect little cheekbone. Looking into her eyes, he knew he couldn't turn her away, giving her one last out, he warned, "Bella, I'm pretty sure this will get us both on the naughty list."

Bella smiled in triumph; her eyes sparkled as she purred, "Oh, Santa, when I'm good, I'm good; but when I'm naughty, I'm better," and cocked her eyebrow. She continued to stroke him as her other hand found his belt buckle.

"Wait, stop," Santa gasped between pants. Bella's face fell as she quickly pulled her hands from Santa's body.

The look of rejection on her face nearly broke Santa's heart, and he knew he'd give anything to never see it cross her sweet face again. He quickly released her from his arms and reached for her arm, "Not in here," he said, as he looked around the office, before gently tugging her towards a door she hadn't noticed before.

As he pulled her though the door, Bella looked around the dimly lit room that smelled of old books and pipe tobacco. Santa lead her to an overstuffed chair next to the blazing fireplace.

"This is the 'naughty or nice' room, it's where I make my lists," he chuckled, thinking of the irony.

"And check it, twice?" she asked with an innocence than made Santa laugh more fully.

He nodded his head, and took her face in his hands and raised her eyes to meet his, "Bella, you know you don't have too, right? If you decide not too, you'll still have a place at the North Pole; Christmas will still happen, and all the children will still get their toys."

She nodded and licked her lips, sending a shiver though Santa; he thought the gesture was involuntary, but it affected him just the same. He held her hand, and softly stroked it with his thumb as he scanned the room, then reached behind her to pull a large pillow from the settee. He turned back to Bella and blushed as he dropped the pillow at his feet and settled into his chair.

Bella dropped to her knees between Santa's legs, running her fingers along the outside of his thighs to relax him a bit before she returned to his belt buckle and fly of his pants. She giggled at his nervousness as she slipped her thumbs under the waistband of his boxers. He looked at her with awe, but seemed to be frozen in place. She tilted her head and patiently waited, until she finally suggested, "Umm, Santa, I need you to, umm…lift up."

He lifted, and she slid his trousers and boxers down his long leg to pool at his ankles. Dragging her hands back up is legs, she gasped in surprise.

"Santa," she exclaimed, staring at his soldier standing at full attention. She dragged the back of her finger along his length, tracing the red swirled pattern, "What is that? It looks…it almost looks like a really big candy cane!"

Santa blushed even deeper, "Bella, I'm Santa Claus, it is a really big candy cane."

"I love candy canes," Bella squealed, "I'm even a master hooker!"

Santa's laughed heartily, "I remember, although at the time I thought for sure you were pulling my leg."

Bella smiled back at him, and he still wasn't sure if it was an innocent smile of confusion, or a confession. She wrapped her hand around Santa's soldier and watched, fascinated as his swirled skin slid beneath her fingers. The ends of her hair tickled his thighs as she lowered herself to him and licked just the tip before she pulled back with a gasp, "It..it tastes like a real candy cane!"

Santa threw his head back in laughter but quickly snapped back when Bella returned her attention to his lap. She took him back into her mouth, sinking as far as she could, before she hollowed her cheeks and pulled back. Santa stuttered between raspy breaths unable to articulate any real words. The bell at the tip of her elfin hat rung with every push and pull; jingling faster and faster as Santa's panting quickened.

Santa reached for her, desperate to touch her, to hold her, but not willing to do anything to make her stop. His hands came down on the top of her hat covered head, then traced down the delicate features of her pretty face to cup her chin. His thumbs softly stroked her cheek bones as she continued to set the pace of the push and pull and the jingle of the bell.

His eyes moved to hers, and he noticed how intently she watched his face, searching for his reaction. His gaze locked with hers. He still couldn't form words, but he hoped his caresses showed her how good she was making him feel. Santa's hands slid along her jaw, and his long fingers curled around the back of her neck; embracing her movements, not controlling them. His thumb brushed against her earlobe, and Bella's moan reverberated around his soldier, eliciting a matched groan from him.

He wanted more, so he gently rolled the just the tips of her pointy elf ears between his fingers and thumbs. Bella's eyes slid shut in ecstasy, lost in her own pleasure as her whimpers thrummed though Santa's body.

Bella refocused on her task, and brought her own hands up to tug Santa's jingle bells. Just the tips of her soft fingers against the back of his balls were enough to send Santa over the edge. Bella's eyes widened, and she seemed to smile around him as he released in her mouth, then fell back against his chair.

Santa threw his arm over his eyes, allowing his other to hang limp as Bella continued to lick his softening candy cane.

Satisfied she hadn't wasted a single drop; Bella crawled onto Santa's bare lap and curled up in a ball against his chest. She rested her chin on her folded arms and asked, "So Santa, which list am I on now?"

He bought his arm down to circle her waist and chuckled breathlessly, "Good. Good. Absolutely, without a doubt, you're on the 'So Flocking Good' list!"

He sat upright, bringing Bella with him; then reached for her, bringing her in for a searing kiss.

"Hmmm," he said, "You taste like peppermint bark."

Bella bounced in his lap as she giggled, "That's you Santa; your...umm...candy cane and.. you know..," she blushed and dipped her head.

"Really?"

"Yes, Santa; didn't you know it tasted like white chocolate?" she asked, at a loss when she saw the confusion on Santa's face, and then clarified, "Well, everyone's doesn't; I mean, Prancer Jacob's didn't. It tasted like dirt." She trailed off when she heard Santa growl.

He looked deep into her eyes, quietly admitting, "No, I didn't know," as he tucked a few errant strands of her hair behind her ear, "That was a first for me."

Bella softly smiled, "Me too," she whispered, "I mean the ears, no one has ever...how did you know to do that?"

Santa dropped his face to hers, placing tender kisses on her nose, then moving to her ear, "I don't know, there's just something about us. You seem to fit me perfectly."

They stayed cuddled up together for a while, until Santa broke the silence, "Bella, I think I have the perfect job for you at the North Pole."

"Really, Santa?" Bella's yawn belied her excitement, "Will there be toy soldiers? Hard ones?"

"There will definitely be one," he said adjusting himself under her.

"Can I play with balls?"

Unable to contain his smile, Santa reassured her, "As much as you want."

"Can I screw?"

"Absolutely, it's practically a requirement."

"What about chocolate starfish?"

Santa's cough jostled her on his chest, "Umm...I'm not sure about that one."

Bella shrugged, "I'll take it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't recognize it, I borrowed the "When I'm good, I'm good; but when I'm bad, I'm better." line from Mae West.
> 
> So, blowing Santa better than his reindeer? LOL
> 
> Maxandmo and obsmama make me better.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	10. More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
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> [ ](http://yfrog.com/g02rojlj)
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>   
> 

### Chapter 10: More

Delivering toys and filling the stocking of three hundred and seventy eight million children in just thirty-one hours was an amazing feat of Christmas magic, but Santa was still exhausted.

Luckily, he had a crack team at the stables, lead by Taha Aki, a former phasing reindeer himself. They would unharness the team, and properly care for them until they had rested enough to re-phase into their elf-like forms.

Santa made his way though his cottage, stripping away the layers of his official suit as he made his way to the warmth of his shower. Santa was half asleep by the time he finished his bedtime routine, and only half heartedly looked for his pajamas before giving up and deciding to crawl into bed naked.

He lifted the covers and slid into the soft, comfy bed, moaning appreciatively. He snuggled deeper in the bed, automatically reaching for Bella.

She unfurled from the little ball she curled into in his absence and scooted into his embrace, nuzzling his shoulder without fully waking. She took a deep whiff of his sugar cookie scent, which even in her sleep, brought a smile to her face. Bella sleepily sighed, "Santa, you're home," as she brought her had to rest just over his heart and turned her head to softly kiss his neck.

She was just slipping back into her slumber when she realized that Santa's whiskers hadn't poked at her cheek like they had been since he started growing it for the season. She quickly sat up in bed and clapped twice to bring the twinkling white lights of their boudoir Christmas tree to life.

Santa bolted upright at the clatter, groggy and confused.

"Santa, you shaved," Bella exclaimed, as she crawled onto his lap, cupping his face with her hands that were buried beneath red, flannel sleeves that were much too long.

"I missed this," she said as she peppered his cheek with sweet kisses, then moved to his chin, "and this." Her arms slid around his neck as she focused her attention to the other side of his face, "And, oh my sugarplums, did I miss this," she moaned as she nipped at his jaw line.

Santa's eyes crinkled with his smile; he had missed her so much during the run. His deep, low moans rumbled at her attention, and he pushed himself back to sit against the headboard, leaving Bella where she kneeled, now straddling his knees.

In the glittering light of the tree, Santa was able to see Bella for the first time since he left not even two days before. Even though it had merely been just over thirty hours, it felt like so much longer since he's seen the way those butterscotch flecks danced in her warm brown eyes, or how her silken, chestnut hair was tucked behind her adorable, pointy, ears.

Santa held his hand out her, and she raised hers, still lost in the excess of her sleeve, to meet his as she crawled back to her favorite place on his lap. He chuckled at the sight, "What are you wearing?"

Bella looked down at her sleepwear, blushing, and shrugged, "It was cold, and I missed you, and they smelled like you," she reasoned as she tugged at the red flannel of his union suit pajamas.

Santa gently stroked her cheek, sliding his finger under her chin to bring her face up, "Don't be embarrassed. I think they look much better on you anyway. Plus, I can even think of an advantage or two to you wearing these," he said as his arms circled her waist to reach for the two buttons of the 'drop seat', deftly releasing the panel and giving him access to her bare bottom.

She rested her forehead on his, as he kneaded her cheeks, "But Santa, now you have no pajamas to wear," she breathily whimpered, biting her bottom lip.

"Oh, but I can think of an advantage or two of that," he murmured, thrusting himself against her center.

Bella moaned at the sensations, freeing her hands so she could tenderly stroke his eyebrows, then under his eyes with her thumbs, "Santa baby, you must be so tired," she whispered, dipping to place tender kisses on his closed eyelids.

"Not anymore," he retorted, tilting his hips beneath her again, "I'm wide awake now. So is my toy soldier," he grinned, nudging once more.

Bella let out a long moan and resisted the urge to grind back against Santa's lap, "It's okay Santa, I can wait. You'll only be asleep for what, a week?" She really did try not to pout.

Santa let out a hearty laugh, "What makes you think I can sleep at all?"

Bella sat back a little and studied him.

"Really Bella, at every stop, every time I went back to the sleigh; I'd remember you, kneeling on the bench, holding the back and the way the sleigh bells would jingle," he lost his train of thought as his lips traced the column of her neck and played with the top button of the union suit.

Bella gasped, swatting his shoulder, "Santa, you have the dirtiest mouth!"

"It's only half as dirty as my mind, trust me," he sighed into her newly exposed collarbone and toyed with the next button.

"Oh, I know Santa! I couldn't believe when you told me about those," she paused and dropped her voice to a whisper, "chocolate starfish."

Santa chuckled at her blush, and then reached behind her, giving her still bare bottom a squeeze, "But you love the chocolate starfish, I remember you said you just couldn't resist them," he said as he waggled his eyebrows.

Bella's burst of laughter covered his deep moans as she wiggled against his candy cane; before she suddenly stopped and became quite serious, furrowing her brow, "Santa, you have to tell Alice. She can't keep making those for the kids! I suppose if a grown-up didn't mind putting their mouth around a chocolate starfish or two it would be okay; but her candy goes in stockings! I tried to tell her about it, I just couldn't do it. Oh my, it was so embarrassing," she admitted as she buried her face on his shoulder.

Santa wanted to laugh, even still he wasn't sure if she knew what she was saying; but he needed to comfort her more. He slid one hand up to soothingly rub her back, and the other moved to gently stoke the tips of her ears.

Bella practically purred at the sensation, and Santa once again thought of how his beautiful little elf was a bewildering combination of innocence and naughty spice, "I will, sweet angel, I will," he reassured, "Although, I'm not sure how either. Maybe I can ask Jasper to help; he's really good at making uncomfortable situations more bearable. "

Bella quickly perked up, "That's a wonderful idea! And maybe Alice can show him how much more fun you can have with a hard soldier than a limp one," she added with a beautiful smile.

Santa could no longer hold back his chortle. She was so completely adorable, she had enchanted Santa from the very moment she walked into his office. He still wasn't sure if he was being set up when Bella was referred to him; but he was certain that Bella's sweet kindness and clueless double entendre were genuine, If he was set up then the joke was on the prankster because he got Bella out of the deal.

Bella ran her fingers though his hair, gently grazing his scalp and the nape of his neck with her nails; Santa closed his eyes and hummed as the tingles left behind zinged around his head. Bella broke the silence, "How was your trip, Santa?"

He smiled wryly, "You're sitting on me while I'm naked, and you want to know how the run went?"

Bella bit her lip and nodded shyly, "Uh-huh. I missed you so much and I just… I just want to know all about it," she added quietly.

"Okay," he agreed as he began to stroke her calves that were folded underneath her on outside of his thighs, "What do you want to know besides everything?"

"Umm…" she asked, worrying her lip, "Were you warm enough?"

"Yes."

"Did you ever get lost?"

"No."

Her chin dropped, and she watched him from below her lashes, "Did you miss me?" she asked, barely above a whisper.

Santa cupped her cheeks and brought her face to his, "Every. Single. Second," he punctuated each word with a kiss on her nose and the corners of her mouth. His lips were close enough to brush hers as he added, "All one hundred and eleven thousand and six hundred of them," he added before pressing his lips to hers in a searing kiss.

Bella rose to her knees, meeting his kiss and pushing him further into the headboard. The tips of his fingers tickled the inside of her thighs as he trailed them up and down her creamy legs. She pulled Santa's hair, eliciting a delicious moan and better angling his head to deepen the kiss.

The thought of flipping her over and pounding into her rushed though Santa's head, and just as he was about to make his move; she sat back down on his thighs.

Heavy pants filled the room as Santa shook his head, desperately trying clear his earlier thoughts. Bella gave him a shy smile while rubbing her lower lip; he stared at her pale little fingers as they swept across her swollen lips.

Bella cleared her throat to break his trance, "What about the cookies, were they yummy?"

"Some were, but some were awful," he shrugged, still trying to regain his composure.

Unable to fight his desires, he lunged for her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing her against his chest. He buried his head in her neck, nipping and sucking at her exposed skin. She heard is muffled plea, "I want you, I need you."

Bella pushed at his shoulder, halfheartedly trying to gain some space, "Santa. Santa. SANTA!" as she pushed his shoulders harder and harder, "I have more questions," she giggled as his tongue lathed at her neck.

He pulled back, looking into her eyes and seeing determination. His head hung in defeat, "Fine. What else?" he asked with an exaggerated huff.

Bella crossed her arms over her chest and whined, "But, if we do…you know... that now, you'll fall asleep. And you said you sleep for at least a week after Christmas."

"I do."

"Well that means I don't get to talk to you for an entire week. I just really want to know before you go to sleep," she whimpered.

Santa was distracted by the way Bella's crossed arms pushed her ornaments together, and he started to play the buttons between. She slapped his hand away, "Santa, focus!"

"I am. I'm focusing right here," he said as he trailed the valley between her breasts. "Please, I won't fall asleep this time," he promised in a husky voice that made Bella want to agree.

"You say that every time, but you always fall asleep right after," she huffed.

"No I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"Do you remember when you said you wanted to act out 'Here comes Santa Claus' in the cloak room at the Elf Christmas party?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

He smirked at her, saying, "How could I forget that? I believe Santa came several times that night."

"And how did you get home that night?"

Santa's eyebrows furrowed and his head tilted to the side trying to recall exactly how he got home. Bella smoothed down the wrinkle between his eyes, "Don't think so hard, you won't remember. You fell asleep, and I couldn't wake you up. It took five elves to drag you home!" she exclaimed, "Don't laugh; I had to tell them you drank too much eggnog!"

"And the time in the wrapping room, when you said wanted to decorate me?" her voice dropped to a whisper, "I still had all those all those ribbons and bows tied all over me when you fell asleep."

"Oh."

"Yeah, and the in the balcony box when you took me to see the Nutcracker. You asked me if I could be quiet, and it was really hard. Then you fell asleep and snored!"

"Okay," he held up his hands in surrender. "Can I at least unwrap this pretty package, even if I can't play yet?" he asked quietly, playing with the button again.

Bella's eyes lit up with excitement, "I have an idea! For every question you ask, I'll undo one button," she said as she trailed her finger down the midline of her union suit, taking a deep breath as she brushed over her most intimate spot.

Santa's eyes widened, "But, there's like fourteen buttons on that thing," he complained.

"Pfft..one's already undone," she said reaching for the top button, "and I'm smaller than you so you don't need all the buttons undone anyway."

"Okay, but I get to do the unbuttoning," he bargained.

"Deal!" Bella offered, while bouncing and clapping her hands causing Santa to groan in frustration.

"Where were we? Oh yeah, the cookies. Did everyone leave out carrots for the reindeer?"

Santa's eyes sparkled as he pushed the little fastener though the buttonhole, exposing more of her chest, he answered, "Some."

"Did the iPhone thing work?"

He tugged at the third button, "Uh-huh. Can you believe there's an app for that?" he asked as he opened her pajamas as wide as he could and slipped his hand inside to gently squeeze her breast.

Bella gasped as his hand brushed over her hardened peak. Taking a deep breath, to get back on task, she continued, "So they did okay without…um…without...you know," Bella hesitated, not wanting to mention her old friend's name.

Santa reached for the fourth button, "Yep."

"They didn't run over any grandmas?"

"Nope," he chuckled, reaching for the fifth button.

"Wait, that's the same question," she warned.

"No it's not," he retorted as he pushed the top of the suit off her shoulders. His eyes crinkled with his smile as he added "Are you about done, because I almost am."

Bella looked down at the red flannel pooled around her waist. She knew this was probably her last question, so she looked Santa directly in his eyes, drawing a breath, "Did you stay away from the mistletoe?" she quietly asked before dropping her head again.

"That's what all of this is about?" Santa questioned, lifting her chin so that he could look her in the eyes. "Bella-swan, I don't want anyone but you. Only you," his eyes bore into her.

Only Santa's hand under her chin kept Bella from ducking her head back down, "But all of those," her breath shuttered, "All of those mommies."

Santa was thoroughly confused, "Mommies?"

Bella sighed, "I used to love that song, but now I just hate it. I don't want to know about all the mommies you kissed before," Bella's eyes closed, trying to hold back tears, "and I know that elves aren't supposed to hate anything," she shook her head back and forth, disappointed with herself.

Santa took her face into his hands, bringing it to his, "Bella, how long have you been worried about this? I don't go around kissing random mommies. I never have, I never will."

"Really," she asked unsure.

"Yes really, it's just a silly song. The Santa in that song is the kid's daddy."

"It is?" she asked confused.

Santa nodded, "You know grown-ups stop believing in Santa Claus. That's just a silly song about a daddy dressed as Santa."

"Oh," Bella laughed, wiping her eyes, "that is a silly song!"

"It really is," Santa joined her giggles. "Now what else do you want to know?"

"Bella looked down and shrugged, "It kind of looks like I'm out of buttons anyway," she said, pulling her hands from the sleeve.

Bella rose on her knees, and the union suit slipped further down her body. "I really did miss you, Santa," she whispered against his ear, "I haven't had a chance to be naughty since you left."

Santa snorted, "I should surely hope not." His palms brushed her sides, leaving a heated trail in their path.

Bella rested her forearms on his shoulders, and Santa extended his strokes over her bottom and down her legs, one at a time, helping her crawl out of the bottom of the suit.

His hands rested behind her knees at his hips, and Bella giggled against his mouth when she felt his soldier thwack against her thigh. "Sure laugh it up; he's been up and down more than a yo-yo tonight. You're kind of giving him whiplash," Santa scolded.

Bella pulled back, and looked down, "I'm sorry," she said as she patted his soldier's head, "I missed you too," she whispered as she leaned down to kiss him. She looked into Santa's eyes and titled her head, "You know, I'm still surprised that this," she said, rubbing her thumb over his head, "fits inside of me." Bella aligned herself with Santa's candy cane; her eyes lowered to watch as she slowly took him into her body.

"Bella, breathe," Santa bade as her eyes snapped to his, "you always hold your breath until…" He was interrupted by his own grunts as Bella completely surrounded his soldier.

"I do?" she questioned as she tentatively moved over him. Santa could only nod. He brought her lips back to his own; their languid kisses only broken by sporadic gasps for air.

His arms held her tightly to his chest as she raked and pulled at his hair, setting a rhythm of quick, frantic grinding. She lifted herself up and sank down in longer, drawn out strokes.

Santa knew Bella's quickening breathy moans and gasps meant she was nearing her climax. He reached for her hips, slamming her down against his pelvis several times before holding her there. He swiftly pushed her down, reversing their positions without breaking their union.

Bella's keening grew as Santa pumped in and out of her. His arms formed an arch over the top of her head, allowing him just enough room to reach and caress the tips of her ears.

He looked down at her, his beautiful elf ,and was nearly overwhelmed that he had so unexpectedly found someone that was so perfect for him. She was filled with kindness and humor and passion, and he was absolutely certain she was made just for him.

And just as he had every day of the last five weeks since the impromptu ceremony, he said a prayer of thanks that this perfect creature was willing to give herself to him heart, soul and body.

"I love you, Bella-swan. Merry Christmas."

Bella convulsed around him as pure bliss filled her entire body, "Oh, Edward!" she cried, reaching for his face to bring his lips to her own. Witnessing his wife's ecstasy and hearing his real name pulled his own orgasm from him, and he pulsed in release.

Bella pushed Santa's hair out of his eyes and held his held his face as his breathing returned to normal, "I love you too, Edward."

Santa gave Bella one of her favorite smiles, the kind that made his emerald eyes dance and left crinkles in the corners, then bent down to kiss her tenderly.

"Oh Santa," Bella exclaimed, "roll over!"

Santa looked at her confused, but rolled to his side, taking Bella with him.

"Phew, that was a close one," she sighed, "I didn't want you to fall asleep on top of me. As much as I like being under you, you're kind of heavy. I mean, how would I go to the bathroom?"

Santa laughed, "Aw, it doesn't happen that fast," his thoughts were cut off by the sounds of his snoring.

Bella pulled the covers up, and snuggled close to his body and kissed his cheek. "Sweet dreams, Santa. I'll see you on New Year's eve," she giggled to herself before drifting off to sleep.

The End

Fin

Das ist alles

Bol'she net

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Merry Christmas_
> 
>  
> 
> _Thank you for reading 333_
> 
>  
> 
> _Here comes a big ol' sappy AN: To Max, Obs and BL72, there are no words that could even come close to relaying how much I owe you for this. Well there might be words, but I'd need to text you my ideas and then think about them for a month ot two; ; force you to read them to make sure the say what I mean to say and then you'd have to continually reassure me they were good enough and then you'd have to add in all those little words I forgot to type and move my commas around._
> 
>  
> 
> _I also want to sincerely thank each and every person who read, reviewed, rec'd, tweeted and facedbooked this silly little story all started with a text that something like "What if Santa's dick was stripped like a candy cane?" I was a little worried it was too far out there, even for crackfic-porn._
> 
>  
> 
> _For every snicker, giggle and beverage that was nearly sprayed on your screens I gave you; you guys gave me back tenfold in your reviews and tweets. I really thought the silliness of this story might make be a fun read; but I have been truly touched every time someone told me it was just what they needed in the harried mix of the holiday season. If you've seen Sullivan's Travels, THIS has been my labor camp Mickey Mouse movie. And I thank you._


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